Tag: odd

Snap Crackle Pop Rice Dick

Posted by – January 6, 2015

john balsamo2

Just a heads up, I’m still around, I know I only updated this a few times last year, but I was busy doing other stuff.  I hope to make many new posts in 2015, some stuff I’ve saved and never put up here, some Zazzle stuff, some new stuff, new music, and new thoughts and rants – it will all be coming soon!

When People Choose Deadly Cannabis.

Posted by – March 25, 2014

when people choose deadly marijuana instead of refreshing alcohol

Originally posted here.

Picture Dump

Posted by – February 13, 2013

Some pictures I’ve collected to post on facebook pages and other places.  Probably 6-8 months worth, I’ve cut it down to 203 pics.  Enjoy!

Popular Items For The End Of 2012

Posted by – December 19, 2012

Here are some popular items in my store.  Click any of the pics to see the top 90.


This year, my 5th on Zazzle, has been my most successful year yet! If you are one of the fantastic individuals who has bought something from me this year or in the past years, thank you very much! The money I make on Zazzle goes to a good cause – Me, and into the making of my music. I hope to add some keyboards and chaos pads to my music in the near future, and any sales I make is certainly helping me to reach my goals. Also, I’m hugely in debt due to working the last 15 years at shit jobs, lol.

For those of you that have never seen my stores: I try to make things that please and offend, that are funny, witty, cynical, that make people think, or are just plain weird. I like to make a lot of abstract art, so there’s plenty of that sprinkled in. Weighing in at almost 30,000 products for BlackOgre Online SuperStore alone there’s surely something you’d like! If you have a chance, please visit my stores, and, if you would be so kind, help me out. I truly appreciate my fans, or anyone that looks at my stuff for that matter. I’m just a speck in the big internet universe after all, to get you to come to my blog or my store, just to appear at all on google results, has been a long and arduous task. I really do appreciate you all coming here. Thankssomuch!

Introducing: Asshole Carson!

Posted by – October 17, 2012

The Truth Hurts

Posted by – August 1, 2012

A quote from P.C. Hodgell:  “That Which Can Be Destroyed By The Truth Should Be.”

Click pics for all products!

Cthulhu, directed by Michael Bay

Posted by – June 5, 2012

Katy Perry’s Rack/2 Puppets/Best Buy Sucks/Faceeaters/King of Nerds/MUZAK

Posted by – June 3, 2012

I’ve noticed a lot of people looking for Katy Perry’s Tits as a search string.  Naughty naughty =P  If Katy Perry’s tits are on your mind, and, let’s face it, there’s much worse things you could think about, check out this facebook page I found a while ago – Katy Perry’s Rack.  It… well, let’s just say it can probably provide you with what you’re looking for =)

Today I was David Bowie.  Check it on the Ustream video we made today.  I usually just play background music, but today I did my first ad-lib call in segment.  It was a lot of fun!


Just got it up on Youtube so you can watch it here.

I recently heard that Best Buy hires trolls to give people shit who complain on their facebook page about how much they suck.  I myself get trolls all the time on the website I made Best Buy Sucks about, wow, almost 10 years ago now.  Google Best Buy Sucks, mine is the first site =).  Anyways these trolls pose as regular facebookers who deride and generally make a mockery of people who complain on their facebook, trying to make it out to be their faults because they were just a “stupid customer.”  What a bunch of fucks Best Buy are.

Face eating.  Wow, what a fucked up story, amirite?  Ok, done talking about it.  But kudos to the person who made the fake news article about how it was a virus called the LQP-79 virus and has started spreading, people were being quarantined, etc.  I actually just got done rewatching seasons 1 and 2 of The Walking Dead (marathoned all the episodes over the course of 2 days), and it sounded pretty damn real to me, or maybe I was just in ‘zombie mode’ and I could of read anything about zombies and believe, at least slightly, that it was real.  Whatever, it was a well-written troll, and whoever came up with it, I commend you!

Really nerding out with RMXP lately.  Had a lot of free time because I’m unemployed (first time in 7 years, kinda just maxin and relaxin for the time being, because I kind of forgot what that was like)  Sent off a lot of resumes n shit, but in my spare time just been pounding away at my game Dungeon Hunters, which, to tell you the truth, has been a work in progress since my high school days when I programmed rpg games in BASIC.  Started the damn thing 3 times, one was on my friends computer from college which I never finished because school got out and I kind of gave up hope that he kept it after a couple years.  Next one was in Brainerd on my friends laptop.  I hate laptops for the simple fact that they have those little windows below the keys that you scroll with, I just can never get it to work, or I feel like my fingers are going to break trying to click the button while doing, it sucks, it’s like I’ve never touched a computer in my life when I get on a laptop, I just hate feeling computer illiterate when I’m quite the opposite.  Anyways, this was my first time experiencing this kind of scrolly window thing, and everything was going great, had a few thousand lines of code, but then one night I opened a New project by accident, and, through a combination of my laptop scrolly window retardation and fat fingers, somehow saved as the project name when I was trying to close it.  So just lost all that code, never backed it up or anything.  The next time was on my friends Mac in St. Cloud.  I programmed and programmed line after line of code, and the guy deleted the project from his computer because he thought it was taking up too much memory at 3MBs, lol, I guess that was a lot back them.  Then in 2000 RPG Maker came out for playstation – one damn store in all of St. Cloud had it, and it was a display model, but it worked, and I started remaking the game I made in BASIC into RPG Maker, which was great because of all the graphics and everything.  Well, that game was fucked because the way the experience system worked, you got to a certain point and the experience to get to the next level was exactly the same as the experience to get to the last level.  So you fight harder and harder monsters that give more and more experience, but your xp needed to get to the next level never goes up so you start gaining levels faster than the levels before it stopped increasing.  I couldn’t fucking believe it, who in their right mind would program something like that?  Why put a fucking cap on your xp grid?  It makes absolutely no sense – they could of at least motherfucking told you that you did that so you didn’t play through your game, make the game big enough to get to that level and then find out that the next level was going to be easier to get to all of a sudden.  Goddamn that pissed me off.  So I abandoned the whole thing and started remaking it in Liberty BASIC for pc on my very own pc so I didn’t have any worries about motherfuckers deleting it, I made several backups so I didn’t have to worry about me deleting it, and I could create my own xp system that increased gradually and exponentially forever (THE WAY IT FUCKING SHOULD BE.)  But after all was said and done, I learned late last year that there was a new RPG Maker, one for windows, which gave me unlimited space to make it, I could copy and paste and easily type out long paragraphs of dialogue, and I could add my own music and artwork through a simple importing tool.  So I’ve been working on that off and on (long off when Skyrim rolled around) for the past 7 or 8 months, and have gotten pretty far on it.  The battle system is in the style of.. well it’s kind of like Dragon Warrior without the battle going out in text, you can fight up to 8 monsters at once, it’s 32 bit so it’s pretty flashy (as flashy as 32 bit gets), with spell effects like you flash white when you’re Stopped and stuff like that until the status wears off.  It takes place underground and the whole world is a dungeon, ranging from caves to catacombs to dungeons to temples to deserts to forests to swamps and more.  Your characters arrive in this world (you get 4 characters who can use any weapon, armor, accessory and other things, ie, no classes) and you have to battle your way through these dungeons to find certain people to help you get home.  Everything costs money, but since you’re continually fighting stuff that really isn’t a problem, and, over time (over 100 hours my last game, got about 70% through the game, although I did fall asleep at the keyboard a few times) you start to get more powerful and it really gives a sense of accomplishment, not like I’m weak I’m weak I’m weak all of a sudden I’m Amazing.  No, it’s a slow climb, but when you get powerful you are really powerful and you really feel like you’ve earned it.  There are hundreds of items to get, tons and tons and tons of monsters to fight with hundreds of special attacks, you can get dozens and dozens of spells yourself, and you just gradually make your way through these places.  It’s kind of like Metroid in the fact that you can go to one area but you can’t explore the whole area until you go to another area and get an item that allows you to continue in the first area, which leads you to another item that helps you get through another area.  You can find all kinds of secrets, you can bomb the walls like in Zelda and find secret caves filled with wondrous treasures.  It’s also, of course, a lot like Final Fantasy and Dragon Warrior, and pretty much a culmination of every other rpg I’ve ever played.  And I’ve played a Lot.  Before video games even tried to step foot in the RPG realm, I was in that dimly lit room with 4 other nerds playing D&D and any other pen and paper rpg I could get my hands on.  I have made tons of art for it, from icons of items/armor/weapons to monsters to backgrounds to the title screen.  It utilizes Ruby which you can program to calculate stuff like random variables like in BASIC, so I have become pretty adept to pretty fast.  You can import mp3s so I’ve also made music for it using Reason and some other programs.  I also plan on making a website for it soon as well.  It’s like every skill I’ve ever acquired through years of being a giant nerd, every little thing that I’ve liked about every nerdy game I’ve ever played, has led up to this point LOL.  A giant nerdy masterpiece.  Hopefully I can finish it soon, it is draining though, hard to work on it for 24 hours and then get up the same ambition the next day to go just as hard, especially when you get stuck on some tedious thing that refuses to work for you.  But all in all I think I love it!

The latest 2 tracks on my SoundCloud are songs I made for the title screens (which I also made) of 2 ‘Event’ systems that I made as stand alone things that people can download and use for their own game.  One was called “A Sexy Rainstorm” and featured a rainstorm with random thunder, rain effects, and different lengths of lighting (sometimes double flashes.)  The other was called “Bomberpot” which is a mini game where you pick a pot to bomb and if there’s a doll inside you win money.

But, anyways, I’ve been unemployed for 2 months and money is dwindling, so I’m really going hard on the resume thing lately.  Precious Metals – the band that I’m in – is doing great, our songs are getting really tight and we are going to be playing shows in the Twin Cites soon.  I’ve had an offer (don’t know if legit or..) to get some of my Agent Empire – another band I was in a couple years ago – into films and actually get paid for it!  And then there’s Please Insert Me (plays at the top), my own album that I’ve been sitting on for almost 3 years now, just can’t seem to get the time to get together with the guy and putting together a final master for it.  Also doing side projects with ?TV with this puppet show and freestyle jam sessions, where I pretty much sample things and set them to beats and then sample the next thing and layer them and sample something new.  I just do so much all the time that I get sidetracked easily.  It’s hard keeping up on being a nerd, a music nerd, a web and graphic design nerd, a band nerd, a gaming nerd, and now a gaming nerd for my own game.

Introducing: The Shark Clarinet

Posted by – May 19, 2012

Introducing:  The Shark Clarinet

4chan dump.

Posted by – March 2, 2012

Here’s a bunch of shit I stole off of 4chan to post in various groups on facebook to make my friends think I’m funny. My rouse was a complete success!