Tag: jersey shore

Mary Todd Is Looking For You

Posted by – August 19, 2015

matt boa

Vague Status Updates

Posted by – August 20, 2011

I had the idea for a group about 6 months ago, and then forgot about it.  Then I read so many more vague status updates on FaceBook over the next couple months that I just had to do it.  So I did:  I made the FaceBook group “Celebrating the VSUs (Vague Status Updates)”.  We post vague status updates and then make fun of them.  I never realized how many dumb people there were on FaceBook until I made this group.  It gets pretty hilarious 😛

It started off just me and a few others posting stuff that was really vague.  Stuff like:

“It should of never happened.”

“What am I doing in this place?”

“Why would she say something like that to that lady?”

“Sad =(“

And so on.

Well, as the group grew, we kind of got bored with just making up stuff, so we started posting actual, real-life vague status updates that others post on their FaceBook page.  We don’t post names or anything, we’re nice about it.  But we do post everything else.  Here are some recent actual vsus, followed by some questions by me:

“Can life get any better? What an amazing ride…I am so blessed and so happy.
2 minutes ago · Like ·”

-I dunno, can it?  What the fuck are you talking about????  So blessed and so happy by and about what??

“Who the F surprises their dad while he is nude in the tub. You are just asking for trouble.
about a minute ago”

-What the fuck is going on at your house?  Why would you post this LOL?

“Cant say that I have ever had a black eye until now!
3 hours ago · Like · Comment”

-What?  How did you get a black eye?!?  (see Annoying FaceBook Girl pic above) – Vague Status For Attention.  Yep pretty much sums it up.  A vague status update that is just vague enough to let people know what happened but not exactly what happened so they leave 6000 comments to find out what’s going on with you.  And, all of a sudden, you feel wanted again.  On these we like to do something I like to call the “Stupid Best Friend”:  OMG GRL?  R U OK?!?  U NVAR DSERVD ThAT!!  U CAAN DO BTTER tHAn HiM!!!  CALL ME!”

“I’m going back to old school……..
about an hour ago via mobile · Like ·”

-Ok?  Going back to old school how?  We don’t know what the fuck you are talking about!  Are you a rapper and going back to an old school rap style?  Are you talking about old school clothing?  OLD SCHOOL HOW!?

“Frustrated and annoyed lol
33 minutes ago via BlackBerry · Like ·”

-BY WHAT?!?!

“The best vitamin for making friends…… B1.
2 hours ago · Like ·”


Ok, so then we got on this huge bad grammar kick, so now we post status updates that have really horrible grammar and/or spelling as well.  If you can find shit that is really vague And slaughter the English language, you get bonus points =P  Stuff like:

“�<I can’t decide if i’ll let you save my life or if i’ll drown. I hope that you see right thru my walls; i’ll never let our love get so close. I hope you s
2 seconds ago via mobile · Like ·”

– I hope you s too.

“&& i can’t help it if youu look like an angel
can’t help it if i wanna kiss youu in the rain so—
come feel this magic i’ve been feeling since i met youu
can’t help it if there’s noone else
_____ i can’t help myself :)”

-We really hate extra letters.  I’m assuming this one is song lyrics, but still it makes no sense and is vague as fuck.  Who are they talking to?  What happened to make them copy pasta these stupid lyrics?

“we won in darts 8-4 now going to bed goodnight
about an hour ago · Unlike ·

-I don’t ever use commas so you don’t know really what I’m talking about you know anyways we won in darts it was fun ok gotta go byebye.

“Omg i was doing sum FB STALKIN (lol) an WTF.. sum peoples children or sum peoples parents.. hmm either way looks like im gunna b deleted.. grow the FUcK up.. talk bout me directly… not on the wayside of stupid..”

-The actual person that posted this is a repeat offender – there are a few people in the group who are friends with her and she’s All Drama, All The Time.  Pretty much everything she posts is VSU worthy.  Plus, she’s dumb as a fucking rock.  What is she doing here?  Picking a fight with somebody specifically?  Or just all of FaceBook in general?  Plus her grammar and spelling really makes worry about the youth of America.  You Know it took her 45 minutes to come up with and type this.  Have you ever seen Idiocracy?  It may not be that bad, Yet, but that shit is just around the fucking corner!

So anyways, we’ve been around since the end of May, and are at 4556 posts as of today.  That’s Posts – it doesn’t count comments.  If you counted comments and posts it’s probably like 20,0000 LOL.  There are some very clever people in the group, and we’re kind of like Mystery Science Theater 3000:  somebody says something vague/ridiculous/retarded, and we rip them apart.  Hilarity ensues.  It’s really nice for people who can’t post whatever they want on FaceBook because they are friends with family or co-workers who would look down on freedom of expression.  It’s sad that they have to come to a group to be as free-willed as they want.  It’s kind of like 4chan /b/ – people go there just to say the most fucked up things they can think of because there is no other place they can do it without being judged.  In this society, You Are your FaceBook.  It translates into your real life.  If you are pissed about your co-worker and vent about how much they suck it will come back to bite you in your ass, Always.  If you say how you hated your X-Mas present from your aunt, it will come back to bite you in your ass, Always.  Or anything similar to that.  It really limits you, you can’t just say whatever you feel because somebody is Always watching and somebody will Always tell the party you are talking about what you just said.  Why?  Because people like drama.  They hate that their life is so fucking insignificant and not glamorous and amazing and drama-filled like Paris Hilton’s or the people on Jersey Shore or whatever other fucking celebrity the world is fascinated with for no reason currently.  So they love to Create drama for no reason other than to sit back and watch the shit hit the fan.  It makes them feel like they’ve accomplished something.  This is why reality TV is a plight on our society.  Just because They are a celebrity (god knows why) doesn’t mean You’re a fucking celebrity.  You’re not a fucking diva or music superstar, even if you dress exactly like them and act exactly like them.  Quit pretending and face the fact that most people will be a worker drone their entire life until they retire and then die.

Well, that was a nice rant.  Anyways, very recently we started posting pictures for the more outlandish VSUs.  Daily demotivator-esque type stuff.  Or just a funny picture with the vsu quote written under it.  Here is one I made tonight:

Here is the original vsu for it:

“I FEEL SOOO HANDY CAPED!!! got intoa bike accident, ggrr my whole right side of my body hhuurrtts
August 11 at 9:00pm”

I love my group and my friends that I’ve made through it.  VSU4Life!