Month: June 2012

Keep It Vague, America!

Posted by – June 20, 2012

From my facebook group Celebrating the Vague Status Updates, here are some more updates from people either looking for attention or… well usually looking for attention.  You’d be surprised how many vague posts I see a day from members’ friends, and there’s only 65 people in the group!

Avoid making it all about you.
Like ·

If its not one thing, its another.
Like · · 3 hours ago near Jacksonville, FL ·
2 people like this.

I am so old & broken….
Like · · 2 minutes ago ·

Like · · Share · 14 minutes ago ·

I didn’t get any of the shit done I wanted today. Bummer.
43 minutes ago

T-Minus 43 Days!
Like · · 48 minutes ago ·

Three dump trucks full? That’s not very mulch.
Like · · 24 minutes ago via mobile ·

In the deepness.
Like · · 2 hours ago ·

You have to recognize that there is a mountain in front of you, before you try to move it.
Like · · about an hour ago ·

I hate that catbox.
Like · · 32 minutes ago ·

I’m done. Don’t know why I wasted time thinking things changed. Done. done. And donnee. I’ma do me now (:
Like · · 33 seconds ago via mobile ·

Guess im only good enough to be a fucking secret.
Like · · about a minute ago via mobile ·

Somedays you just need a drink before noon 😉
Like · · Share · about an hour ago via mobile ·

about to have a mental breakdown.!!!!!
Like · · about a minute ago ·

The day has turned around…….. 😉
Like · · 43 seconds ago via Windows Phone ·

quote her? she was a fucking retard.
Like · · about a minute ago ·

Like · · 7 minutes ago ·

I got it bad…so bad….
Like · · 11 minutes ago ·

You Guys kicked ass
Like · · See Friendship · about a minute ago ·

there is only one way out of this misery……….
Like · · 4 hours ago near New York, NY ·

I watch everything fall apart, i watch who was there helping get back together, but then new, ppl came in and wow everything is sooo different its nice having new friends like they says god puts them in ur way for a reason maybe its to help them or they to help me either way im gald ur in my life now :-)
Like · · 3 hours ago via mobile ·

What a good day!
Like · · 3 hours ago ·

Shatner/Pulp, Common People…made my day
Like · · 54 minutes ago via MOTOBLUR™ ·

considering the fact that the drinks at the House of Blues were paid for by the bank hosting the private event, and the after party was at the Purple Pig and Kid Rock was buying whatever we wanted, I feel I exercised great self control.
Like · · 3 hours ago ·

My Bravo just ship!!!!
Like · · 6 minutes ago via mobile ·

So true.
Like · · 3 hours ago via mobile ·

And here is where we come to the fork in the road.
Like · · 19 minutes ago near West End, NY ·

Jennifer _________
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im soooofucking pissed off. Just keep on lying, and see where that gets u!!!!
Like · · 4 minutes ago ·
Jennifer ________ oh and my phone will most likely get shut off tomorrow!!!!
3 minutes ago · Like

The scene in Teen Wolf where Scott Howard sniffs out his brother’s “stash”, obscurely hidden in a giant mess in their garage, much to the delight of Styles.
Like · · Follow Post ·

South park reference in men in black 3, fuck yeah!!!
Like · · about a minute ago near Brooklyn Center ·

Like · · 2 hours ago ·

If it burns when you pee, urine trouble my friend.
Unlike · · 12 minutes ago ·

Some people’s fucking priorities.
Like · · 4 minutes ago via mobile ·
Destinee——- Agreed.
3 minutes ago · Like

Like · · Share · 4 hours ago via mobile ·
Neal **** ASS
3 hours ago via mobile · Like
Morgan ****** FUCK
2 hours ago · Like

just figured out some serious shit 😀
Like · · Share · about an hour ago ·

Hate liars.
Like · · 49 minutes ago near Minneapolis ·

Sometimes its really hard to be the grown up.
Like · · 2 hours ago near Jacksonville, FL ·

It seems lately that its a lot of people’s goals to tear me down, make me feel bad or make snarky comments about what I do, who I am, who I’m in love with or how I live my life.
Guess what? I don’t care! I’m sorry your life sucks and you feel the need to attack me because I’m happy.
I may not make the same life decisions as you but too bad. I’m happy with my life. So piss off!
Like · · 3 hours ago near Oneonta, NY ·

I should have zigged instead of zagged.
Unlike · · Unfollow Post · June 11 at 11:19pm

Maybe she’ll clean herself again.
55 minutes ago ·

Walkoff willingham! Damn good pickup on this dude!
Like · · about an hour ago via mobile ·

The day has ended and I am going to hide under my covers and pretend it never happened. Tomorrow will be back to the usual wonderful life I am accustomed too :) Right???
Like ·

Like · · 3 minutes ago ·

I hate when female intellectual types say “I think i’m offended” with that inflection in there voice like they are asking themselves that question, but are really self assuring their opinion. Then they have like a smirk on their face because they feel empowered to disagree with you and are all excited to debate. I wish I could punish these cunts with 20 random rapings. I’m watching you…….
Like · · about an hour ago near Minneapolis · (WTF?!?)

I have a lot going for me right now, but I continue to have this nagging urge to write sad status’. Thank goodness this is as far as i’ve gotten.
55 minutes ago

Like · · 15 minutes ago ·

I had fun tonight! Definitely needed that. Thank you guys, you all know who you are! :]
Like · · 8 hours ago near Champlin ·

You know, even if I hate someone, I would NEVER put their personal information on facebook for everyone to know about. Sure, it would be incredibly tempting, but I’m pretty good at controlling my emotions in that respect.
LikeUnlike · · about a minute ago

I hate DRAMA!!!! I hate people that can’t keep to their own business. Come on people grow up. Your an adult so lets act like ones.
LikeUnlike · · 13 hours ago near Andover ·

Well that just happened. I have guilt and relief all at the same time. It’s very conflicting.
Note: nothing to do with anyone on Facebook
Like · · 50 minutes ago ·

whach tell the end
Like · · 2 hours ago ·

Haters are people who read with no resume an critique with no credentials… #J.M.
Like · · 3 hours ago ·

After a subpar breakfast, even by hotel standards, we’re off to the scrapbook convention.
Like · · 2 minutes ago near Glen Carbon, IL ·

Madagascar tour of europe!
Like · · 8 minutes ago via mobile ·

I feel the change in the air…’s coming quick and it’s going to be ugly. Head up, Chest Out…..I got this shit!!!
LikeUnlike · · about an hour ago near Minneapolis

Finally. That was too much work lol —
Like · · 22 seconds ago via mobile ·

Like · · 17 minutes ago via mobile ·

I feel like i was pushed out of my old circle… Like im being left out.. Ahh well.. Ill just watch reality television, nothing better to do.
Like · · Share · 19 minutes ago via mobile ·

LikeUnlike · · about an hour ago near Minneapolis

Pshycosomatic bullshit.
Unlike · · Follow Post · June 7 at 12:10pm

Thought it be a good idea to make my own thongs outta deerskin, now I have a bad rash:(
Like · · Share · 2 minutes ago via Samsung Mobile ·

Bitter girl yup
Like · · 35 minutes ago via mobile ·

Always the fool…
Like · · 2 hours ago via mobile ·

it’s one of those days…. “cheater, cheater, where’d you find that no good, white-trash hoe?”
Like · · Share · about a minute ago via mobile ·

If acdc knew the aliens sent their crap to us
Like · · about an hour ago near Virginia, MN ·

What a horrible day. Won’t get into details but this one is pretty high on the worst day ever list.
Like · · 20 minutes ago

So yay me in the emergency room because :/
Like · · 17 hours ago near Kansas City ·

Needs a pet anteater.
Unlike · · 47 minutes ago via mobile ·

GAH! Some people just annoy the shit out of me sometimes!
LikeUnlike · · Share · 7 minutes ago near New Brighton

Tried to call my daughters !! And both declined my calls!!
Like · · Share

Send me hugs. Got a lot on my mind.
LikeUnlike · · Share · Sunday at 1:44pm

In less than 6 months, I will be free ♥
Like · · about a minute ago near Brooklyn Park ·

Like if u hate stupid ass baby daddies ughh!! So irritated
Like · · 5 minutes ago via mobile ·

I really do not like you. In fact…anyone who really knows you does not like you.. BECAUSE WE ALL LOVE YOU THATS WHY!!!!!! :) YOU ARE SUPER SPECTACULAR AND EVERYONE WHO KNOWS YOU KNOWS IT. Thanks to all the super spectacular friends and family in my life. Love you :)
Like · · Share · about an hour ago near Woodlawn, OH ·

Wow you’re just another guy that promised he wasn’t a dick but lied! (:
Like · · Share · 17 minutes ago via mobile ·

Unlike · · Follow Post · June 5 at 5:47pm near Minneapolis

about a minute ago via mobile.
So wierd …. soooo freakin weird.

Yesterday via mobile.
Ready for change ….. really really.

Sunday via mobile.
Wishing I could do something about it….

If your only response to my well-thought out advice is “I think that’s a felony” then go f*ck yourself.
Like · Comment · Share · 5 minutes ago near Minneapolis ·

i want to cry and i want to fucking puke.
Like · Comment · 25 minutes ago ·

Not gon’ cry.
Like · · about a minute ago ·

Muthah fuckuh die slow, my fo’ fo’ make sure all y’all kids don’ grow!
Like · Comment · 16 minutes ago ·

I need a kombucha….its been too long….mmm the ginger kind
Like · · Share · 51 minutes ago via mobile ·

that French toast looks amazing enough to slap you upside the head with
Like · · Follow Post · June 4 at 12:48pm near Rio Rancho, NM

Whatever you’re going on about.
Like · · 15 minutes ago via mobile ·

Taking vitamins is hard
Like · · about a minute ago

So conflicted.
Like · · Share · 3 hours ago via mobile ·

Anybody wanna text ‘ LIKE ‘ staying home tonight not feeling good lol >.< Like · · 3 hours ago via mobile · people can be such big, whiny babies. that is all. Like · · 53 minutes ago near Minneapolis · You know what people don’t talk about anymore? Wheat Germ. Like · · 24 minutes ago near Maple Grove · YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like · · about an hour ago · I love you!!!!!!! Like · · 8 minutes ago via mobile · Weird, I would not recognize Joey Lawrence or Steve Guttenberg. Like · · 7 hours ago via mobile · Pandas!! Like · · Share · about an hour ago via mobile · …..Those are just from the first 21 days of June. I could go on and on and on rofl. We actually celebrated our 1 year anniversary 2 weeks ago and there’s been thousands upon thousands of posts over the last year. They just keep coming! It just amazes me the shit people post on facebook. If you want to see more, click the Vague Status Updates under Category on the right bar.

Somebody Please

Posted by – June 20, 2012

hook me up with Diablo III girl.

(Ryan, dude!  Put a ring on that finger, bro!)

On a side note, who knew this hot girl would provide such splendid trolling opportunities.  I just couldn’t help myself…

Somebody Please

Posted by – June 20, 2012

hook me up with Catwoman!

Check me out on ReverbNation!

Posted by – June 14, 2012

3 videos, 56 songs.  Fan me!

Thanks and enjoy! =)

30 Reasons to like Katy Perry

Posted by – June 9, 2012

Haha, see what I did there?

Girl Macros

Posted by – June 8, 2012

Pretty much sums it up.

P.S. Either go all small i’s for i or i’m to appeal to netnerds or go all capital I’s to appeal to people who know how to write. The combo just makes me think the person who made this is a textard who doesn’t know proper English and slapped this hallmark bullshit together with a melancholytron-filtered stock photo in 5 seconds. Why not throw some 4s in there for “for” while you’re at it. Have fun making babies and living off the government the rest of your life.

The Joke Killers

Posted by – June 8, 2012

Every single “humorous” picture posted on facebook has ’em:  Joke Killers.  They comment something trying to be funny and utterly fail.  My new wordpress page is here to recognize and celebrate these humor leeches – sucking the blood out of a joke to make themselves look funny and leaving nothing but a lifeless shell in their wake.  Why can’t they just starve to death?

The Joke Killers



Posted by – June 8, 2012

I used to think these were kind of funny.  Like 6 fucking months ago.  They were witty at times (6 months ago), off-the-wall, come-at-you-from-nowhere at other times (6 months ago.)  Some were a little bit offensive (6 months ago), some used just the right amount of swearing (6 months ago.)  And I like the style of art the pictures use – solid color with old-timey looking vector art.  But lately it seems that every single person on facebook, especially (quote on quote) humor groups have figured out that these are a (quote on quote) good solution when they run out of actual funny stuff.  Which, it seems, they run out of actual funny stuff a lot.  “Hrm, can’t scour google images or macro sites hard enough to find anything good, so I’ll just post another ecard so people still think I’m funny.”  Look, it’s simple:  if you’re going to make a humor group on facebook (or anywhere), make sure you have the following things accounted for:

1)  You’re funny enough to make your own funny shit.

2)  You’re good enough with the interwebz to know how to look for funny things, ie, things that are actually funny.

3)  Make sure you add other people who are funny to pick up the slack, or all the slack if you’re not funny.  But if you’re not funny, then you shouldn’t have made a “humor group”, now should you?

4)  Delete your fucking ecard fap folder for fucks sake.  Last thing people want is to be bombarded by another 10-20 ecard posts a day.




Cthulhu, directed by Michael Bay

Posted by – June 5, 2012

Katy Perry’s Rack/2 Puppets/Best Buy Sucks/Faceeaters/King of Nerds/MUZAK

Posted by – June 3, 2012

I’ve noticed a lot of people looking for Katy Perry’s Tits as a search string.  Naughty naughty =P  If Katy Perry’s tits are on your mind, and, let’s face it, there’s much worse things you could think about, check out this facebook page I found a while ago – Katy Perry’s Rack.  It… well, let’s just say it can probably provide you with what you’re looking for =)

Today I was David Bowie.  Check it on the Ustream video we made today.  I usually just play background music, but today I did my first ad-lib call in segment.  It was a lot of fun!

Just got it up on Youtube so you can watch it here.

I recently heard that Best Buy hires trolls to give people shit who complain on their facebook page about how much they suck.  I myself get trolls all the time on the website I made Best Buy Sucks about, wow, almost 10 years ago now.  Google Best Buy Sucks, mine is the first site =).  Anyways these trolls pose as regular facebookers who deride and generally make a mockery of people who complain on their facebook, trying to make it out to be their faults because they were just a “stupid customer.”  What a bunch of fucks Best Buy are.

Face eating.  Wow, what a fucked up story, amirite?  Ok, done talking about it.  But kudos to the person who made the fake news article about how it was a virus called the LQP-79 virus and has started spreading, people were being quarantined, etc.  I actually just got done rewatching seasons 1 and 2 of The Walking Dead (marathoned all the episodes over the course of 2 days), and it sounded pretty damn real to me, or maybe I was just in ‘zombie mode’ and I could of read anything about zombies and believe, at least slightly, that it was real.  Whatever, it was a well-written troll, and whoever came up with it, I commend you!

Really nerding out with RMXP lately.  Had a lot of free time because I’m unemployed (first time in 7 years, kinda just maxin and relaxin for the time being, because I kind of forgot what that was like)  Sent off a lot of resumes n shit, but in my spare time just been pounding away at my game Dungeon Hunters, which, to tell you the truth, has been a work in progress since my high school days when I programmed rpg games in BASIC.  Started the damn thing 3 times, one was on my friends computer from college which I never finished because school got out and I kind of gave up hope that he kept it after a couple years.  Next one was in Brainerd on my friends laptop.  I hate laptops for the simple fact that they have those little windows below the keys that you scroll with, I just can never get it to work, or I feel like my fingers are going to break trying to click the button while doing, it sucks, it’s like I’ve never touched a computer in my life when I get on a laptop, I just hate feeling computer illiterate when I’m quite the opposite.  Anyways, this was my first time experiencing this kind of scrolly window thing, and everything was going great, had a few thousand lines of code, but then one night I opened a New project by accident, and, through a combination of my laptop scrolly window retardation and fat fingers, somehow saved as the project name when I was trying to close it.  So just lost all that code, never backed it up or anything.  The next time was on my friends Mac in St. Cloud.  I programmed and programmed line after line of code, and the guy deleted the project from his computer because he thought it was taking up too much memory at 3MBs, lol, I guess that was a lot back them.  Then in 2000 RPG Maker came out for playstation – one damn store in all of St. Cloud had it, and it was a display model, but it worked, and I started remaking the game I made in BASIC into RPG Maker, which was great because of all the graphics and everything.  Well, that game was fucked because the way the experience system worked, you got to a certain point and the experience to get to the next level was exactly the same as the experience to get to the last level.  So you fight harder and harder monsters that give more and more experience, but your xp needed to get to the next level never goes up so you start gaining levels faster than the levels before it stopped increasing.  I couldn’t fucking believe it, who in their right mind would program something like that?  Why put a fucking cap on your xp grid?  It makes absolutely no sense – they could of at least motherfucking told you that you did that so you didn’t play through your game, make the game big enough to get to that level and then find out that the next level was going to be easier to get to all of a sudden.  Goddamn that pissed me off.  So I abandoned the whole thing and started remaking it in Liberty BASIC for pc on my very own pc so I didn’t have any worries about motherfuckers deleting it, I made several backups so I didn’t have to worry about me deleting it, and I could create my own xp system that increased gradually and exponentially forever (THE WAY IT FUCKING SHOULD BE.)  But after all was said and done, I learned late last year that there was a new RPG Maker, one for windows, which gave me unlimited space to make it, I could copy and paste and easily type out long paragraphs of dialogue, and I could add my own music and artwork through a simple importing tool.  So I’ve been working on that off and on (long off when Skyrim rolled around) for the past 7 or 8 months, and have gotten pretty far on it.  The battle system is in the style of.. well it’s kind of like Dragon Warrior without the battle going out in text, you can fight up to 8 monsters at once, it’s 32 bit so it’s pretty flashy (as flashy as 32 bit gets), with spell effects like you flash white when you’re Stopped and stuff like that until the status wears off.  It takes place underground and the whole world is a dungeon, ranging from caves to catacombs to dungeons to temples to deserts to forests to swamps and more.  Your characters arrive in this world (you get 4 characters who can use any weapon, armor, accessory and other things, ie, no classes) and you have to battle your way through these dungeons to find certain people to help you get home.  Everything costs money, but since you’re continually fighting stuff that really isn’t a problem, and, over time (over 100 hours my last game, got about 70% through the game, although I did fall asleep at the keyboard a few times) you start to get more powerful and it really gives a sense of accomplishment, not like I’m weak I’m weak I’m weak all of a sudden I’m Amazing.  No, it’s a slow climb, but when you get powerful you are really powerful and you really feel like you’ve earned it.  There are hundreds of items to get, tons and tons and tons of monsters to fight with hundreds of special attacks, you can get dozens and dozens of spells yourself, and you just gradually make your way through these places.  It’s kind of like Metroid in the fact that you can go to one area but you can’t explore the whole area until you go to another area and get an item that allows you to continue in the first area, which leads you to another item that helps you get through another area.  You can find all kinds of secrets, you can bomb the walls like in Zelda and find secret caves filled with wondrous treasures.  It’s also, of course, a lot like Final Fantasy and Dragon Warrior, and pretty much a culmination of every other rpg I’ve ever played.  And I’ve played a Lot.  Before video games even tried to step foot in the RPG realm, I was in that dimly lit room with 4 other nerds playing D&D and any other pen and paper rpg I could get my hands on.  I have made tons of art for it, from icons of items/armor/weapons to monsters to backgrounds to the title screen.  It utilizes Ruby which you can program to calculate stuff like random variables like in BASIC, so I have become pretty adept to pretty fast.  You can import mp3s so I’ve also made music for it using Reason and some other programs.  I also plan on making a website for it soon as well.  It’s like every skill I’ve ever acquired through years of being a giant nerd, every little thing that I’ve liked about every nerdy game I’ve ever played, has led up to this point LOL.  A giant nerdy masterpiece.  Hopefully I can finish it soon, it is draining though, hard to work on it for 24 hours and then get up the same ambition the next day to go just as hard, especially when you get stuck on some tedious thing that refuses to work for you.  But all in all I think I love it!

The latest 2 tracks on my SoundCloud are songs I made for the title screens (which I also made) of 2 ‘Event’ systems that I made as stand alone things that people can download and use for their own game.  One was called “A Sexy Rainstorm” and featured a rainstorm with random thunder, rain effects, and different lengths of lighting (sometimes double flashes.)  The other was called “Bomberpot” which is a mini game where you pick a pot to bomb and if there’s a doll inside you win money.

But, anyways, I’ve been unemployed for 2 months and money is dwindling, so I’m really going hard on the resume thing lately.  Precious Metals – the band that I’m in – is doing great, our songs are getting really tight and we are going to be playing shows in the Twin Cites soon.  I’ve had an offer (don’t know if legit or..) to get some of my Agent Empire – another band I was in a couple years ago – into films and actually get paid for it!  And then there’s Please Insert Me (plays at the top), my own album that I’ve been sitting on for almost 3 years now, just can’t seem to get the time to get together with the guy and putting together a final master for it.  Also doing side projects with ?TV with this puppet show and freestyle jam sessions, where I pretty much sample things and set them to beats and then sample the next thing and layer them and sample something new.  I just do so much all the time that I get sidetracked easily.  It’s hard keeping up on being a nerd, a music nerd, a web and graphic design nerd, a band nerd, a gaming nerd, and now a gaming nerd for my own game.