Category: Vague Status Updates

Keep It Vague, America!

Posted by djskagnetti – June 20, 2012

From my facebook group Celebrating the Vague Status Updates, here are some more updates from people either looking for attention or… well usually looking for attention.  You’d be surprised how many vague posts I see a day from members’ friends, and there’s only 65 people in the group!

Avoid making it all about you.
Like ·

If its not one thing, its another.
Like · · 3 hours ago near Jacksonville, FL ·
2 people like this.

I am so old & broken….
Like · · 2 minutes ago ·

Bah!
Like · · Share · 14 minutes ago ·

I didn’t get any of the shit done I wanted today. Bummer.
43 minutes ago

T-Minus 43 Days!
Like · · 48 minutes ago ·

Three dump trucks full? That’s not very mulch.
Like · · 24 minutes ago via mobile ·

In the deepness.
Like · · 2 hours ago ·

You have to recognize that there is a mountain in front of you, before you try to move it.
Like · · about an hour ago ·

I hate that catbox.
Like · · 32 minutes ago ·

I’m done. Don’t know why I wasted time thinking things changed. Done. done. And donnee. I’ma do me now (:
Like · · 33 seconds ago via mobile ·

Guess im only good enough to be a fucking secret.
Like · · about a minute ago via mobile ·

Somedays you just need a drink before noon ;)
Like · · Share · about an hour ago via mobile ·

about to have a mental breakdown.!!!!!
Like · · about a minute ago ·

The day has turned around…….. ;)
Like · · 43 seconds ago via Windows Phone ·

quote her? she was a fucking retard.
Like · · about a minute ago ·

meat
Like · · 7 minutes ago ·

I got it bad…so bad….
Like · · 11 minutes ago ·

You Guys kicked ass
Like · · See Friendship · about a minute ago ·

there is only one way out of this misery……….
Like · · 4 hours ago near New York, NY ·

I watch everything fall apart, i watch who was there helping get back together, but then new, ppl came in and wow everything is sooo different its nice having new friends like they says god puts them in ur way for a reason maybe its to help them or they to help me either way im gald ur in my life now :-)
Like · · 3 hours ago via mobile ·

What a good day!
Like · · 3 hours ago ·

Shatner/Pulp, Common People…made my day
Like · · 54 minutes ago via MOTOBLUR™ ·

considering the fact that the drinks at the House of Blues were paid for by the bank hosting the private event, and the after party was at the Purple Pig and Kid Rock was buying whatever we wanted, I feel I exercised great self control.
Like · · 3 hours ago ·

My Bravo just ship!!!!
Like · · 6 minutes ago via mobile ·

So true.
Like · · 3 hours ago via mobile ·

And here is where we come to the fork in the road.
Like · · 19 minutes ago near West End, NY ·

Jennifer _________
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im soooofucking pissed off. Just keep on lying, and see where that gets u!!!!
Like · · 4 minutes ago ·
Jennifer ________ oh and my phone will most likely get shut off tomorrow!!!!
3 minutes ago · Like

The scene in Teen Wolf where Scott Howard sniffs out his brother’s “stash”, obscurely hidden in a giant mess in their garage, much to the delight of Styles.
Like · · Follow Post ·

South park reference in men in black 3, fuck yeah!!!
Like · · about a minute ago near Brooklyn Center ·

COOKIEBOOK!
Like · · 2 hours ago ·

If it burns when you pee, urine trouble my friend.
Unlike · · 12 minutes ago ·

Some people’s fucking priorities.
Like · · 4 minutes ago via mobile ·
Destinee——- Agreed.
3 minutes ago · Like

Fuck
Like · · Share · 4 hours ago via mobile ·
Neal **** ASS
3 hours ago via mobile · Like
Morgan ****** FUCK
2 hours ago · Like

just figured out some serious shit :-D
Like · · Share · about an hour ago ·

Hate liars.
Like · · 49 minutes ago near Minneapolis ·

Sometimes its really hard to be the grown up.
Like · · 2 hours ago near Jacksonville, FL ·

It seems lately that its a lot of people’s goals to tear me down, make me feel bad or make snarky comments about what I do, who I am, who I’m in love with or how I live my life.
Guess what? I don’t care! I’m sorry your life sucks and you feel the need to attack me because I’m happy.
I may not make the same life decisions as you but too bad. I’m happy with my life. So piss off!
Like · · 3 hours ago near Oneonta, NY ·

I should have zigged instead of zagged.
Unlike · · Unfollow Post · June 11 at 11:19pm

Maybe she’ll clean herself again.
55 minutes ago ·

Walkoff willingham! Damn good pickup on this dude!
Like · · about an hour ago via mobile ·

The day has ended and I am going to hide under my covers and pretend it never happened. Tomorrow will be back to the usual wonderful life I am accustomed too :) Right???
Like ·

exactly…
Like · · 3 minutes ago ·

I hate when female intellectual types say “I think i’m offended” with that inflection in there voice like they are asking themselves that question, but are really self assuring their opinion. Then they have like a smirk on their face because they feel empowered to disagree with you and are all excited to debate. I wish I could punish these cunts with 20 random rapings. I’m watching you…….
Like · · about an hour ago near Minneapolis · (WTF?!?)

I have a lot going for me right now, but I continue to have this nagging urge to write sad status’. Thank goodness this is as far as i’ve gotten.
55 minutes ago

IS THIS A BITING TOOTH? IS THIS A BITING TOOTH?
Like · · 15 minutes ago ·

I had fun tonight! Definitely needed that. Thank you guys, you all know who you are! :]
Like · · 8 hours ago near Champlin ·

You know, even if I hate someone, I would NEVER put their personal information on facebook for everyone to know about. Sure, it would be incredibly tempting, but I’m pretty good at controlling my emotions in that respect.
LikeUnlike · · about a minute ago

I hate DRAMA!!!! I hate people that can’t keep to their own business. Come on people grow up. Your an adult so lets act like ones.
LikeUnlike · · 13 hours ago near Andover ·

Well that just happened. I have guilt and relief all at the same time. It’s very conflicting.
Note: nothing to do with anyone on Facebook
Like · · 50 minutes ago ·

whach tell the end
Like · · 2 hours ago ·

Haters are people who read with no resume an critique with no credentials… #J.M.
Like · · 3 hours ago ·

After a subpar breakfast, even by hotel standards, we’re off to the scrapbook convention.
Like · · 2 minutes ago near Glen Carbon, IL ·

Madagascar tour of europe!
Like · · 8 minutes ago via mobile ·

I feel the change in the air…..it’s coming quick and it’s going to be ugly. Head up, Chest Out…..I got this shit!!!
LikeUnlike · · about an hour ago near Minneapolis

Finally. That was too much work lol —
Like · · 22 seconds ago via mobile ·

:(
Like · · 17 minutes ago via mobile ·

I feel like i was pushed out of my old circle… Like im being left out.. Ahh well.. Ill just watch reality television, nothing better to do.
Like · · Share · 19 minutes ago via mobile ·

…..AND THIS IS HOW HE SHOWS THAT OUR KIDS OUR HIS PRIORITY????……
LikeUnlike · · about an hour ago near Minneapolis

Pshycosomatic bullshit.
Unlike · · Follow Post · June 7 at 12:10pm

Thought it be a good idea to make my own thongs outta deerskin, now I have a bad rash:(
Like · · Share · 2 minutes ago via Samsung Mobile ·

Bitter girl yup
Like · · 35 minutes ago via mobile ·

Always the fool…
Like · · 2 hours ago via mobile ·

it’s one of those days…. “cheater, cheater, where’d you find that no good, white-trash hoe?”
Like · · Share · about a minute ago via mobile ·

If acdc knew the aliens sent their crap to us
Like · · about an hour ago near Virginia, MN ·

What a horrible day. Won’t get into details but this one is pretty high on the worst day ever list.
Like · · 20 minutes ago

So yay me in the emergency room because :/
Like · · 17 hours ago near Kansas City ·

Needs a pet anteater.
Unlike · · 47 minutes ago via mobile ·

GAH! Some people just annoy the shit out of me sometimes!
LikeUnlike · · Share · 7 minutes ago near New Brighton

Tried to call my daughters !! And both declined my calls!!
Like · · Share

Send me hugs. Got a lot on my mind.
LikeUnlike · · Share · Sunday at 1:44pm

In less than 6 months, I will be free ♥
Like · · about a minute ago near Brooklyn Park ·

Like if u hate stupid ass baby daddies ughh!! So irritated
Like · · 5 minutes ago via mobile ·

I really do not like you. In fact…anyone who really knows you does not like you.. BECAUSE WE ALL LOVE YOU THATS WHY!!!!!! :) YOU ARE SUPER SPECTACULAR AND EVERYONE WHO KNOWS YOU KNOWS IT. Thanks to all the super spectacular friends and family in my life. Love you :)
Like · · Share · about an hour ago near Woodlawn, OH ·

Wow you’re just another guy that promised he wasn’t a dick but lied! (:
Like · · Share · 17 minutes ago via mobile ·

OH GREAT, NOW EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE BROCCOLI. FUCK MY LIFE.
Unlike · · Follow Post · June 5 at 5:47pm near Minneapolis

about a minute ago via mobile.
So wierd …. soooo freakin weird.

Yesterday via mobile.
Ready for change ….. really really.

Sunday via mobile.
Wishing I could do something about it….

If your only response to my well-thought out advice is “I think that’s a felony” then go f*ck yourself.
Like · Comment · Share · 5 minutes ago near Minneapolis ·

i want to cry and i want to fucking puke.
Like · Comment · 25 minutes ago ·

Not gon’ cry.
Like · · about a minute ago ·

Muthah fuckuh die slow, my fo’ fo’ make sure all y’all kids don’ grow!
Like · Comment · 16 minutes ago ·

I need a kombucha….its been too long….mmm the ginger kind
Like · · Share · 51 minutes ago via mobile ·

that French toast looks amazing enough to slap you upside the head with
Like · · Follow Post · June 4 at 12:48pm near Rio Rancho, NM

Whatever you’re going on about.
Like · · 15 minutes ago via mobile ·

Taking vitamins is hard
Like · · about a minute ago

So conflicted.
Like · · Share · 3 hours ago via mobile ·

Anybody wanna text ‘ LIKE ‘ staying home tonight not feeling good lol >.<
Like · · 3 hours ago via mobile ·

people can be such big, whiny babies. that is all.
Like · · 53 minutes ago near Minneapolis ·

You know what people don’t talk about anymore? Wheat Germ.
Like · · 24 minutes ago near Maple Grove ·

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like · · about an hour ago ·

I love you!!!!!!!
Like · · 8 minutes ago via mobile ·

Weird, I would not recognize Joey Lawrence or Steve Guttenberg.
Like · · 7 hours ago via mobile ·

Pandas!!
Like · · Share · about an hour ago via mobile ·

…..Those are just from the first 21 days of June. I could go on and on and on rofl. We actually celebrated our 1 year anniversary 2 weeks ago and there’s been thousands upon thousands of posts over the last year. They just keep coming! It just amazes me the shit people post on facebook. If you want to see more, click the Vague Status Updates under Category on the right bar.

A Musing.

Posted by djskagnetti – January 1, 2012

3 hours til midnight and 2011 is gone.  It really went fast!  Tonight, as I suspect I may be catching the flu from a co-worker, I opted to stay in and quietly reflect over the year and jerk off.  I had several personal accomplishments and feel really good going into the new year, even if it is the end of the world.  So, anyways, I wanna ramble on like I’m smart, so here is the story of the VSU.

Back at the start of the year, my friend Dustin and I were talking about this guy we used to know who was a drug dealer.  He would answer stuff in the vaguest possible manner.

“Hey, man, what’s up?”

“Not a whole lot….”

“What are you doing?”

“Just driving around….”

“Oh, yeah?  Where did you drive to?”

“Here and there…”

“Did you see anybody?”

“I saw a few people…”

“Did you see anything cool in your travels?”

“I saw some things….”

“Ok, well… alright then.  You take it easy.  Seeya”

And you would walk away from the conversation knowing absolutely Nothing of what he did.  After 5-15 very specific questions asking him about his day, you would know exactly as much as you did when you started the conversation, which is Nothing.  But you felt satisfied, like, “That conversation went pretty well!”  We called them Vague Drug Dealer Answers.  I suppose when you are a drug dealer this is a pretty good way of sounding like you give a fuck but not telling anybody what you’ve actually been up to in case they are an informant or just a dick who narcs you out.

So flash forward a couple months.  I notice, all over Facebook, that people do the same thing in their posts.  They say something vague, and it gets people interested in them for a bit.  They’ll say something like, “Well my arm’s broken.” and that’s it.  It’s a well-crafted vague status update designed for a very specific purpose:  to induce sympathy or concern from a person’s peers.  People cannot resist commenting on something like that!  They are physically unable to ignore it.  They Must Know!  Comments range in the form of:

“OMG DOOD/GURL R U OKAYE?” – the illiterate friend who’s only knowledge of the english language is what he/she learned through texting.

“How did you break your arm?”

“Oh, good job, dumbass.”

“Call me when you get a chance or text.”

etc.  But they all accomplish what the op wanted:  Get Me Some Attention.  Even the good friend who sounds like a dick by saying, “Oh, good job, dumbass.” is at least some form of acknowledgement.  Maybe the op doesn’t answer right away, maybe they bide their time and people kinda get worked up into a frenzy – they have to comment Twice!  This is serious!  People expect the horrible, the worst that can happen.  “Come on, tell us what happened!!!”

6 hours later – “Oh, I fell down some stairs…”

Crisis averted!  That image of them getting in a horrid car crash where there’s a 50-car pile up and a train is derailed and a plane crashes on the train and the train plane crashes into the 50-car pile up CAN FINALLY BE WIPED FROM YOUR MIND!  Nope.  The dumbass just fell down a 3-stair staircase because they were wasted.  Feeling alone?  Not very wanted?  Post a vague status update and watch the comments roll in!  BINGO – Your life has merit again.

So I was noticing a lot of those on Facebook.  I’m the kind of guy who’s on Facebook all dayyyy, everyday.  I can update from my phone, so it’s a lock – nothing gets by me, I see a Everything.  And I saw a Ton of these.  It reminded me of vague drug dealer answers.  So I posted something about vague status updates in March or April 2011 as a status update, making a joke of it, and then I forgot about it.

But a couple months later I saw this macro:

Which totally reminded me of vague status updates and vague drug dealer answers.  So I made a group called Celebrating the VSUs (Vague Status Updates), added a bunch of people around May-June, and we have been copy pastaing people’s vague status updates ever since.  Click the Vague Status Updates category to the right to see a bunch of examples.  We’re nice about it, we don’t copy the name, or xxxxx out the name, and try to keep cities out of it, etc.  Just the update themselves.  It’s been a lot of fun over the past 8 or so months!  And I’m happy to have met all the new people I have met in the group, and proud to be a part of it, and glad that I can spread a little joy to a usually otherwise joyless world.  Without all of you the group would be nothing.  Thanks, VSUers!

More Vague Status Updates

Posted by djskagnetti – December 28, 2011

“Co-sign or no-sign.
2 hours ago”

“I want to play for you next year. That’s all I want to do.
50 minutes ago”

“Are you ready to live for the right reasons, or not live for the wrong ones…
Like · · 4 hours ago near Minneapolis ·”

“Dear creep ass… quit staring at me.. k thanks :)
Like · · 3 hours ago”

“I’m convinced that its your goal every morning when you wake up to put me on edge.
Like · · about an hour ago via BlackBerry ·”

“I never stay the Same I’m always Different in everyway..the only thing that’s the same about me is what I might say!! Repeting myself is what I catch myself doing all the time!!
Like · · Share · 7 hours ago”

“Ahh! Wish I was here. Ive felt like a black sheep with mine so itll be mice to have an inked brother. Have fun!
17 minutes ago · Like”

“Give 6 guys a cattle prod. Nothing really good happens…. Getting shocked by 8,000 volts hurts…
Like · · 2 hours ago via Mobile ·”

“oh sleepy sleepy, but cant fall asleep… sucky!! but i had a great day and going for another tomorrow!!! :-) YAY
38 minutes ago”

“Life is great!!! clear minded, knowing what i gotta do is great!!! feeling uplifted tonight :)
2 minutes ago”

“I think I hibernated a little in the bed today. Whoops.
5 hours ago”

“No one ever pays me in gum:(!
Like · · 56 minutes ago ·”

“Out to dinner and then out for a night out!
Like • • Share • 34 minutes ago”

“ITS LIKE AM TAKEING 5 STEPS FORWORD AND 10 STEPS BACK
Like · · Share · 22 minutes ago ·”

“Orange juice farts. That is all.
Like · · Follow Post · Yesterday at 12:56am”

“HOLY SHIT!!! That’s all…..
Like • • Share • 17 minutes ago”

“It’s been over a year since I last…
Like · · about a minute ago via mobile ·”

“3 weeks 3 weeks 3 weeks!!! I’m soooooooo excited!!! ♥
Like • • Share • about an hour ago”

“I love you. But why I love you. I never know.
Like · · about an hour ago via mobile ·”

“I’m putting this as my status again… The word “FAIR” is a non existing word…
53 minutes ago · 1 · Like · Comment”

“Sorry this message cannot be processed.
Like · · 9 hours ago via mobile ·”

“Flies through the air with the greatest disease, takes little pills and calls them trapeze…
Unlike · · Follow Post · Monday at 11:53pm via mobile”

“It’s …..it’s a Dinosaur.
11 minutes ago via mobile”

“****** RidinSolo *****
Starting to cut some people off… If you questioning this then yep you are it!!!!

Then gotta think about moving, so suggestions are being taken thinkin bout “Duluth”?
Like · · Share ·”

“My best friend isnt coming up, got myhopes up again :( cant even see the friends that are here because some jackass is a control freak. Cheers to selfishpeople :)
Like · · 7 hours ago via mobile ·”

“wow…nothing like getting pissed right on xmas…thanks for the gift of jealousy
Like · · about an hour ago ·”

“Maybe you should stick to guys your age, and stop always trying to go after your family’s OLDER boyfriends…. actin’ like a hohohoeeee!
Like · · 9 hours ago via mobile ·”

“Just found out that we’ll be having a double truck tomorrow, so I get to go to bed at 4:30pm tonight to get up at 11:30pm, to work 1am-5am….
Like · · about an hour ago ·”

“Jingle bells, jingle bells, Batman smells, and Robin layed an egg!! Oh that Shamanism!! Bats and Robins and things a jinglin!! …..
Like · · about a minute ago ·”

“Just called the Hall and Oates emergency phone line
Like · · about an hour ago”

“Hey honey where is my lexus??? Bummer
Like · · 11 minutes ago ·”

“Check it out sauerkraut!
Like · · 2 minutes ago ·”

“Why the fuck didn’t I get a gift receipt!
Like · · Follow Post · Sunday at 11:04am via mobile”

“I’m feelin’ sexy and free, like glitter’s rainin’ on me.
Like · · Follow Post · Sunday at 8:41pm”

“WHAT UP WORLD WHAT GOIN ON OUT THERE ME I’M CHILLIN WHAT UP CONVERSATION TIME
Like • • Share • 2 hours ago”

“I almost made it through Christmas;(
Like · · 18 minutes ago”

“Thank you God for saving me from sin and for a white christmas in MI with my wonderful, beautiful Carla and her parents.
Like · · about an hour ago via mobile ·”

“sometimes a man can get carried away when he feels he should be having his fun. much too old to just break free and run, too young to see the damage he’s done
about an hour ago”

“The pope is live on tv doing mass before he goes back to his usual schedule of keeping the molestation of children within the churches as secret as possible. Fuck christmas and fuck you.
Like · · 2 hours ago via mobile · .”

“My christmas curse lives on.
13 hours ago via TweetDeck”

“Potato Peelers are dangerous.
Like · · 14 minutes ago ·”

“funny things are fun.
3 hours ago”

“oh and next time u hear of me, ill be bangin in your headphones
2 hours ago”

“I enjoyed making that. I might just have to share.
16 minutes ago”

“Thankyou retina team for coming to visit me!!!
Like • • 2 hours ago •”

“Guess who’s gonna eat toast. This girl. Aww yeah.
Like · · 16 minutes ago via mobile ·”

“*sighs*
Like · · Share · 12 minutes ago”

“sometimes waiting can be really hard to do
Like · · 3 hours ago ·”

“swallowed his pride and buried the hatchet.
Like · · 16 minutes ago ·”

“i have a business idea. my cat walks around with a fluffy, soft ball in her mouth, so i think we should sew fake moustaches onto cat-toy balls.
Like · · 3 hours ago near Minneapolis ·”

“Refuse to let your pass paralyze your today.
Like · · 14 minutes ago via BlackBerry ·”

“THERE IS A MAN IN A 3-WOLF-HOWLING-AT-THE-MOON SHIRT STARING AT ME AND HE WILL NOT STOP AND NOW HE JUST HANDED ME A LEMON DROP AND IS BABBLING ABOUT COSSETTA’S AND PLEASE SOMEONE MAKE HIM STOP STANDING IN FRONT OF ME AND STARING OKAY THANK YOU BYE.
Like · · Share · 3 hours ago ·”

 

LOL Happy Holidays all. Seeya next year! =)

Some More VSUs

Posted by djskagnetti – September 15, 2011

Dreamboats likes this.
Like · · Follow Post ·

zoner where u at?
Like · · about an hour ago · Privacy:

Yep. The bus tonight is exactly what I’d expect.
Like · · Share · 39 seconds ago via Simple Status Widget for Android · Privacy:

You dont know what you have until it is gone.
Like · · Share · 3 minutes ago via mobile · Privacy:

WELL WISH MY ABYSINNIAN SOW WOULD HURRY UP AND HAVE THESE BABIES HER PELVIS HAS BEEN OPEN 4 DAYS NOW STUBBORN COW HAHAHAHA (im not impatient honestly lol )
1 hour ago · 8 · Like · 2 Comments

WOOOOHOOOOO MY ABYSINNIAN JUST HAD 4 HUMONGUS HEALTHY BOUNCING BABIES :-) WILL UPDATE YOU IN 5 MINS AND LET U ALL KNOW WHATS SHE HAD PRAYING FOR SOME SOWS LOL
9 minutes ago · 5 · Like · 2 Comments

I always forget how hard it is to get people out and drinking on a wed after noon
Like · · Follow Post · 6 hours ago

I am stressed the fuck out
Like · ·

I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that I once shoved your face into one of those pink-inflamed monkey butts.
Like · · Follow Post · 9 hours ago

Watching trueblood and thinking about a lot of things! Soo many things on my mind to the point I want to cry! I’m stronger than ppl think and I will continue to remain strong! In life there are a lot of obstacles tht try to stand in the way…. Slide on over cuz this woman isn’t doing it! Staying focused on my hearts desires!
Like · · 8 minutes ago via BlackBerry · Privacy:

Complete change of lifestyle; starting tomorrow morning
Like · · 4 hours ago via mobile · Privacy:

Mommy I am Not sober! Love you.
Like · · Share · 2 seconds ago via mobile · Privacy:

★·.·´¯`·.·★Cunt ★·.·´¯`·.·★
Like · · about an hour ago · Privacy:

Lahtifuckinduh . . . . .
1 hour ago · 2 · Like · 5 Comments

I feel like i’m reaching my breaking point. This is all very hard. Guess you never know how much you care about someone til…
Like · · 15 seconds ago via mobile · Privacy:

Go out on YouTube and Google it. *blink*
Like ·

Thanks mum for that awesome idea! Legend!
Like · · about an hour ago · Privacy:

After the lights go out on you, after your worthless life is through. I will remember how you scream; I can’t afford to care. I can’t afford to care.
Like ·

FACEBOOK Slutbook-MEETIN JUS 2 F*ckbook. Trying 2 b Sneaky, But Then Get Caught Upbook. Shamebook, Lamebook, Usin A Fake Namebook. Corny In Da Streets But On Here U Got Gamebook.. Jokebook, Pokebook, Everybody’s Quotebook.. In Pictures U Got Money, But In Person Yu Brokebook!! Sexbook, Flexbook, Flirt’n Wit Yo Ex-BOOK.. Sum 1 Leaves A Comment, Then U get A Urgent Textbook.. Fightbook, Trifebook Everybodys Rightbook. Sum 1 NEEDS 2 COME OUT WIT A GET A F*CK’N LIFEBOOK!!! #REPOSTIFYUAGREE

I ran into my front door tonight with my face. Don’t text and walk, people. It’s just not worth it.
Like · · Yesterday at 12:36am via mobile · Privacy:

words r jus words…without actions……
Like · · Share · 31 seconds ago · Privacy:

I may not have gotten caught, but I’m sure that I’ve done something that deserved a Time Out ! I’m sending myself to bed to think about what I’ve done !
4 hours ago · Like · 1 Comment

i honestly dont give a flying fuck anymore about trying to be nice to certain individuals who are always in my business, judge my every move, think they ALWAYS know best and cant just accept me and my choices for what they are: MINE!!! go bother someone else and leave me the fuck alone, you dont approve of anything i do or think anyway so just go away… i sure as hell dont need you…
Like · · 9 minutes ago · Privacy:

There is just something about a childs face when they are sleeping…
Like · · 23 minutes ago via mobile · Privacy:
3 people like this.

I dont like my hair neat. I dont like my hair neat. I dont like my hair neat.
4 hours ago via mobile

Enjoying my alone time in Chicago till I meet you.
5 hours ago

Ya remember when I said I was about to get shot out of a cannon? I wasn’t kidding.
Like · · about an hour ago via mobile · Privacy:.

Audio complications soon to cause this day to end in a full blown suicide.
6 hours ago via mobile

WARNING: If you see a link that offers you free tracks from Nickleback’s new album DO NOT CLICK ON IT. It goes to a link with free tracks from Nickleback’s new album. **PLEASE REPOST** (not necessarily vague, but made me laugh)

psyched to hang with @marthastewart tonight
5 hours ago via Twitter

Vexed, damn half-wits!
4 hours ago via mobile

wishin things were a little different…… but some things you just cant control!!!
4 hours ago

I gotta play minor notes, gotta read sideways. “If you turn your head you win.” Awwww…
4 hours ago

had a few drinks – time to clean Bookface house.
Like · · about an hour ago · Privacy:
Dave E—– My thoughts exactly.
57 minutes ago · Like

I take a sheet everyday before school
Like · · 4 minutes ago via mobile · Privacy:

ooooh silly fiddle faddle
Like · · See Friendship · 56 minutes ago · Privacy:

Life is life…wish I wasnt here but since I am…why not make the best out of it.
Like · · about a minute ago via mobile · Privacy:

food
Like · · 8 hours ago ·

When you peel off the top layer of frustration……….Im pretty sure theres just more festering underneath.
Like · · 22 minutes ago · Privacy:

More Vague Statuses Updates (VSUs)

Posted by djskagnetti – September 8, 2011

Nowpie
Like · · Subscribe · Sunday at 10:25pm

Corporate slogan bear
Like · · Subscribe · 11 hours ago via mobile

Of course I care. I’ve always cared. People don’t live happily ever after just because they care
Like · · Subscribe · 10 hours ago

Just found Sudafed at the bottom of my purse. I had it with me this whole weekend. wow.
Like · · 6 minutes ago · Privacy:

My news feed is full of whinning, I’m sorry you just found out that life aint easy :)
2 minutes ago · 1 · Like · Comment

Ugggggghhhhhhhh this sux.
Like · · Subscribe · 8 hours ago via mobile

It would appear that Wednesdays are clustercuss day at work.
Like · · Unsubscribe · 8 hours ago

Olive Garden!
Like · · 2 seconds ago · Privacy:

The wave comes in. The wave goes out.
Like · · 2 minutes ago near Red Feather Lakes, CO · Privacy:

Got the most retarted chicks ever in my class
Unlike · · 3 hours ago via mobile · Privacy:

I am DONE with bullshit!!!!!! I have no room for drama in my life so I don’t associate with people who bring it. I love my family and I truly have the best group of friends. Anything else you want to know just ask.
Like · · Unsubscribe · 6 hours ago

i will admit, i have issues with some pants…
Like · · 7 minutes ago · Privacy:

Mmmmm mm I do love me some tossed salad
Like · · Subscribe · 7 hours ago

Life is like a 7-10 split.
Like · · Subscribe · about an hour ago via mobile

“GO FUCK YOURSELF AND YOUR FAT FUCKING COW” doesn’t cut it.
0 minutes ago · Like

Hardees is the ultimate in shit.
7 minutes ago

Dude, What’s yer deal?
17 minutes ago

Ugh I think I need a break from you, MR. INTERNET.
Like · · 35 minutes ago · Privacy:

needs a new drug
Like · · 55 seconds ago near Minneapolis · Privacy:

Nervous to swim tomorrow. What if I suck?
Like · · 12 minutes ago via mobile · Privacy:

I was at the courthouse getting the registration for my car today, and the lady in line in front of me was wearing white. So I punched her in the dick. You’re welcome world.
Unlike · · 38 minutes ago · Privacy:

Romantic Italian Photography
Like · · about an hour ago via BlackBerry

Some New Vague Status Updates

Posted by djskagnetti – September 6, 2011

Can you smell the failure? I can.
Like · · Subscribe · about an hour ago

still trying to put this all together
Like · · about an hour ago · Privacy:

Oh by the way, I gotta say, I was a fool.
5 minutes ago

I am trying to just ignore her, but I found out that bitch sent FB messages to a bunch of my FB friends last month.
21 minutes ago · Like · 2 Comments

JUST STOP YOU SAD BITCH … YOU THINK ITS GOOD TO SAY TO MY MATES: “YOU SEEN THAT PEDO LATELY?” – YOUR PUSHING YOUR DAMN LUCK! GO GET LAID YOU SKANKY MENTAL-CASE!
Like · · about an hour ago · Privacy:

I’m excited to go back to work tomorrow?!?!?!
Like · · about an hour ago via DROID · Privacy:
2 people like this.

yoo im jus wakin up tho..
Like · · 3 hours ago · Privacy:

To whomever told my uncle I was pregnant I AM NOT!!!!!! Thanks for spreading the rumor about me instead of asking me first. That really makes me mad!!!!! Whoever did this needs to tell my uncle it is a rumor.
23 minutes ago · Like · 1 Comment

The goose god is angry tonight Fritz
Like · · 17 minutes ago via mobile · Privacy:

Sweet! I get to sleep in the truck again….
Like · · 2 hours ago via mobile ·

If you’re going on MY boat, call me now and let me know. If you’re going on Nick’s boat but may have led me to believe you’re going on mine, let me know.
Like · · 12 minutes ago · Privacy:

You make me feel not good enough, useless, and worthless. Yeah, that’s love, baby. Thank you.
Like · · 4 hours ago via mobile · Privacy:

Quit trying to add me.
Like · · 6 hours ago via mobile · Privacy:

Skeletor makes Starscream look dignified
Like · · 41 minutes ago · Privacy:

Domt give up on a dream
Like · · about an hour ago via mobile · Privacy:

One more week left in MN, and then it’s back to the open road following where the money leads me.
Like · · 10 minutes ago via mobile · Privacy:

Never regret something that once made you smile
Like · · 12 minutes ago · Privacy:

For some reason just thought about that party jeremy and i went to in mendota and how that was an awesome night… Not sure why.
Like · · 51 minutes ago via mobile · Privacy:

good morning im a carrot today yay
Like · · 6 hours ago · Privacy:

In one of those “whatever” moods….
1 hour ago · 1 · Like · 2 Comments

him or his private spot that was on the internet
23 hours ago · Like

HehhhheeeeeAaaa!!!!! And again Heeeehhhhhaaaaeee!!!
Unlike · · Unsubscribe · 9 minutes ago

Please, for the love of God, challenge me.
Like · · 4 minutes ago

Welcome to Massachusetts, PREPARE TO DIE!

Posted by djskagnetti – August 26, 2011

Well it started with somebody posting the Vague Status Update that somebody else had posted in their newsfeed on FaceBook:

“A newfound interest in Massachusetts

22 hours ago·”

to which people left the following comments:

- A**** A****:  Great place to bring the newfies.

-Me:  great place to start a forest fire.

-E**** S****:  Love the weather!

-E**** S****:  And the landscape!

-Me:  I really like Massachusetts for their roving packs of killer wiener dogs.

-M*** H**** N******:  Splendid place to kill drifters.

 

Well, for my second comment I had originally wrote roaming, but was wondering if roving would be a better word.  So I went to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary page to find out.  At the bottom they had a thing asking you what you were gonna use the word for, and you could reply through your FaceBook profile, so I did:

“I was trying to decide whether to use roaming or roving in the sentence “I really like Massachusetts for their roaming/roving packs of killer wiener dogs.”"

I don’t know how long it’ll stay up, but here is the link to it.

Which then prompted me to make a picture for it:

 

VSU Pic

Posted by djskagnetti – August 26, 2011

 

“I don’t even know what is my status…

42 minutes ago · Like · Comment”

 

Vague Status Updates

Posted by djskagnetti – August 20, 2011

I had the idea for a group about 6 months ago, and then forgot about it.  Then I read so many more vague status updates on FaceBook over the next couple months that I just had to do it.  So I did:  I made the FaceBook group “Celebrating the VSUs (Vague Status Updates)”.  We post vague status updates and then make fun of them.  I never realized how many dumb people there were on FaceBook until I made this group.  It gets pretty hilarious :P

It started off just me and a few others posting stuff that was really vague.  Stuff like:

“It should of never happened.”

“What am I doing in this place?”

“Why would she say something like that to that lady?”

“Sad =(“

And so on.

Well, as the group grew, we kind of got bored with just making up stuff, so we started posting actual, real-life vague status updates that others post on their FaceBook page.  We don’t post names or anything, we’re nice about it.  But we do post everything else.  Here are some recent actual vsus, followed by some questions by me:

“Can life get any better? What an amazing ride…I am so blessed and so happy.
2 minutes ago · Like ·”

-I dunno, can it?  What the fuck are you talking about????  So blessed and so happy by and about what??

“Who the F surprises their dad while he is nude in the tub. You are just asking for trouble.
about a minute ago”

-What the fuck is going on at your house?  Why would you post this LOL?

“Cant say that I have ever had a black eye until now!
3 hours ago · Like · Comment”

-What?  How did you get a black eye?!?  (see Annoying FaceBook Girl pic above) – Vague Status For Attention.  Yep pretty much sums it up.  A vague status update that is just vague enough to let people know what happened but not exactly what happened so they leave 6000 comments to find out what’s going on with you.  And, all of a sudden, you feel wanted again.  On these we like to do something I like to call the “Stupid Best Friend”:  OMG GRL?  R U OK?!?  U NVAR DSERVD ThAT!!  U CAAN DO BTTER tHAn HiM!!!  CALL ME!”

“I’m going back to old school……..
about an hour ago via mobile · Like ·”

-Ok?  Going back to old school how?  We don’t know what the fuck you are talking about!  Are you a rapper and going back to an old school rap style?  Are you talking about old school clothing?  OLD SCHOOL HOW!?

“Frustrated and annoyed lol
33 minutes ago via BlackBerry · Like ·”

-BY WHAT?!?!

“The best vitamin for making friends…… B1.
2 hours ago · Like ·”

-WHAT THE FUCK?

Ok, so then we got on this huge bad grammar kick, so now we post status updates that have really horrible grammar and/or spelling as well.  If you can find shit that is really vague And slaughter the English language, you get bonus points =P  Stuff like:

“�<I can’t decide if i’ll let you save my life or if i’ll drown. I hope that you see right thru my walls; i’ll never let our love get so close. I hope you s
2 seconds ago via mobile · Like ·”

- I hope you s too.

“&& i can’t help it if youu look like an angel
can’t help it if i wanna kiss youu in the rain so—
come feel this magic i’ve been feeling since i met youu
can’t help it if there’s noone else
_____ i can’t help myself :) ”

-We really hate extra letters.  I’m assuming this one is song lyrics, but still it makes no sense and is vague as fuck.  Who are they talking to?  What happened to make them copy pasta these stupid lyrics?

“we won in darts 8-4 now going to bed goodnight
about an hour ago · Unlike ·”

-I don’t ever use commas so you don’t know really what I’m talking about you know anyways we won in darts it was fun ok gotta go byebye.

“Omg i was doing sum FB STALKIN (lol) an WTF.. sum peoples children or sum peoples parents.. hmm either way looks like im gunna b deleted.. grow the FUcK up.. talk bout me directly… not on the wayside of stupid..”

-The actual person that posted this is a repeat offender – there are a few people in the group who are friends with her and she’s All Drama, All The Time.  Pretty much everything she posts is VSU worthy.  Plus, she’s dumb as a fucking rock.  What is she doing here?  Picking a fight with somebody specifically?  Or just all of FaceBook in general?  Plus her grammar and spelling really makes worry about the youth of America.  You Know it took her 45 minutes to come up with and type this.  Have you ever seen Idiocracy?  It may not be that bad, Yet, but that shit is just around the fucking corner!

So anyways, we’ve been around since the end of May, and are at 4556 posts as of today.  That’s Posts – it doesn’t count comments.  If you counted comments and posts it’s probably like 20,0000 LOL.  There are some very clever people in the group, and we’re kind of like Mystery Science Theater 3000:  somebody says something vague/ridiculous/retarded, and we rip them apart.  Hilarity ensues.  It’s really nice for people who can’t post whatever they want on FaceBook because they are friends with family or co-workers who would look down on freedom of expression.  It’s sad that they have to come to a group to be as free-willed as they want.  It’s kind of like 4chan /b/ – people go there just to say the most fucked up things they can think of because there is no other place they can do it without being judged.  In this society, You Are your FaceBook.  It translates into your real life.  If you are pissed about your co-worker and vent about how much they suck it will come back to bite you in your ass, Always.  If you say how you hated your X-Mas present from your aunt, it will come back to bite you in your ass, Always.  Or anything similar to that.  It really limits you, you can’t just say whatever you feel because somebody is Always watching and somebody will Always tell the party you are talking about what you just said.  Why?  Because people like drama.  They hate that their life is so fucking insignificant and not glamorous and amazing and drama-filled like Paris Hilton’s or the people on Jersey Shore or whatever other fucking celebrity the world is fascinated with for no reason currently.  So they love to Create drama for no reason other than to sit back and watch the shit hit the fan.  It makes them feel like they’ve accomplished something.  This is why reality TV is a plight on our society.  Just because They are a celebrity (god knows why) doesn’t mean You’re a fucking celebrity.  You’re not a fucking diva or music superstar, even if you dress exactly like them and act exactly like them.  Quit pretending and face the fact that most people will be a worker drone their entire life until they retire and then die.

Well, that was a nice rant.  Anyways, very recently we started posting pictures for the more outlandish VSUs.  Daily demotivator-esque type stuff.  Or just a funny picture with the vsu quote written under it.  Here is one I made tonight:

Here is the original vsu for it:

“I FEEL SOOO HANDY CAPED!!! got intoa bike accident, ggrr my whole right side of my body hhuurrtts
August 11 at 9:00pm”

I love my group and my friends that I’ve made through it.  VSU4Life!

Vagina-Beak Poster

Posted by djskagnetti – July 3, 2011

Just fucking around with an inside joke.